Love is All You Need - Understanding Your Personal Love Style

The ability to bond in an intimate relationship with another person is an essential factor in the psychology of what makes us human, and even more so in what makes us healthy, fulfilled and emotionally mature humans.

Understanding your personal “Love Style” is key to finding the partner who is right for you, who provides the basic emotional match that leads to an enduring relationship.

What is Love?

Scientists and psychologists have generated volumes of research on love and human relationships, because it is so critical to both our mental and physical health. The intricacies of the mind, cultural standards, and the influences of individual personalities makes the study of love full of seemingly infinite variety. Love is at the same time uniquely personal, and universal.

The elusive nature of love makes it a rich subject for study. Yet, as much as we strive to classify, categorize, define and measure love, the science and psychology of love remains an external element. The only truly meaningful expression of love, is the one that is individually, personally your own.

A Look at Love

Popular research by J. A. Lee ('The Colors of Love') identified three primary love styles:

Eros - Romantic, passionate love

This is the idealized, intense, crazy-feeling kind of love for someone. Often the sensation is so powerful, you feel that you would die without your lover. A physical attraction to someone is usually the underlying force to Eros.

Ludus - Game-playing love

A more immature approach to love as a challenge or conquest. The idea of the relationship is often more critical than the relationship itself, scoring with a hottie is the objective.

Storge - Friendship love

This is a mature type of love relationship that grows from genuine compatibility with someone.

and three secondary styles:

Mania - Possessive, dependent love

"You’re mine all mine!”

Pragma - Logical, “shopping-list” love

I want a guy/gal with:
1. Lots of Money
2. Totally hot looks
3. Must love dogs
4. On and on and on

Agape - Selfless, all-giving love

"I’ll do anything for you!”

Mix and Match Your Love Styles

Game-playing (Ludus) with a shopping list (Pragma) can be fun and adventurous, until you find yourself deep in an intense relationship (Eros) full of overwhelming possessiveness (Mania).

The drama can take its toll on a person, but with the right partner, it may actually to a state of honestly mutual love (Storge) sharing a sense of fulfillment through caring for each other (Agape). Mixing and matching your love styles can lead to a state of love that we're all ultimately after!

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