Working hard and providing a great service, whilst you are at work, iswhat we expect to do. Many of us find that the working day is extendedwell into our personal time. There are bound to be times when aparticular deadline needs to be met but all too often taking work homephysically and mentally with us becomes the norm. It erodes the qualitytime spent with the family and has the potential to be destructive offamily relationships and quality rest and recuperation. It becomes evenmore of an issue when it is the thinking about work and worrying aboutthings takes up time and energy getting in the way of sleep and peaceof mind.
Before you can identify the best way to deal with the problem it isvital to be clear what is actually at the root cause of the problem.
You need to define what this means for you.
Is it being unable to let go of work, thinking when you leave the workplace? Are you taking on the problems of others? Do you keep going overactions and decisions you have made during the working day? I wish I'dsaid ------ If only I'd done ------. Are you taking actual work home todo because you do not have time to do it at work? Is the problem causedbecause you are avoiding dealing with a difficult member of staff? Areyou unable to delegate effectively? Do you find it hard to say "no" oryou are worried about upsetting the boss? Are you working for anorganization which has unrealistic expectations or are you modellingbehaviours which are unhelpful to your achieving a good work lifebalance.
You need to ask yourself why this is?
There is no single answer and for many people the truth is a combination of factors.
Is the job is too big for you or the timescale unrealistic?
How confident are you that you make the very best use of time? Wouldhaving better time management skills reduce or eradicate the problem?
For some, the problem revolves around a lack of confidence,particularly, when faced with making a decision. Having to over prepareor analyse everything can be very time consuming, but perhaps even morewearing is the constant rehearsal and post mortem which goes on in yourhead.
Ask yourself if your heavy workload has been created to give an excuseto avoid other issues in your life. It is easy to say I'm too busyrather than face up to the realisation that having no one special inyour life leaves a sense of loneliness. The cycle continues I'm toobusy to create a social life -- I have no social life -- I keep busy tofill the space -- I have no time to socialize.
For others they take on too much work, they find dealing with otherpeople's problems means they don't have to tackle their own.
Is there a solution?
The first thing to remember is you have a choice. You could argue thatyou cannot choose what work you do. The choice is much more about howyou react to your work situation. It is in this area there are aninfinite range of solutions.
How to get started?
Keep a diary for a week. At the end of each day consider what you havedone outside work. Record if you have undertaken work and consider thereason why it was necessary.
Think about what has been going on in your head. Are you present foryour family? Or are you still at work thinking about an issue, whichhas spilled over? Are you whittling away thinking about a client? Allactions have a pay off. A positive intention. Ask yourself what is thepayback for you in your reaction to work invading your personal time.Be honest!
Think about the strategies you might use to combat your behaviour.
Does the following statement ring true for you?
Work is taking up too much of my time.
Consider the statement if you replace the word time with life.
Life is not a rehearsal. Few people would want as their epitaph, "Ifonly I had worked longer hours or if only I had worried more about thisor that problem."
In this article, I am going to focus on strategies for turning off the"work" mode in your head. Strategies for tackling time management anddealing with colleagues at work are covered in other articles and in"Kick Start Your Career" and "How You Can Manage Your Staff MoreEffectively".
Transition activity -- use your journey as the transition between workand home. Part way through the journey create a section which will actlike the airlock on a submarine. On one side, pick a particular stationor point in the journey and make this the start of the airlock and asecond to make the transition out of the airlock into the sea.
The sequence runs:
Work -- point one: As usual
Point one -- point 2 : listen to a piece of music which iscontemplative and relaxing or if you are on a train, close your eyesand clear your brain of all work thoughts. Consciously let go of thework thoughts.
Point 2: start to think about being home, what you are going to do thatevening. Change the music to something more energetic
You may find it takes some concentration to achieve in the firstinstance, but the brain loves patterns, so after a few days the changesin music and the reaching the particular station or point on the routeact like a reminder -- switch off from work/relax/be in home mode.
The same transitional principles will also work with a routine once you reach home but do eat into your home time.
Physical exercise is great for changing your mood. It will breaknegative patterns of thought and releases endorphins which make youfeel good. Dance is particularly good as it involves sharing somethingwhich requires concentration and involves so many senses.
Visualisation can be really helpful. You can use a relaxation tape tohelp you do this. There are many to chose from -- we have a Spanishtheme tape available on our website.
Planning time for you and those things which are important to you isimportant. When you actually book time to do these things they are muchmore likely to happen than if you just leave it to chance. I use a twoweek version with my clients. They determine the various elements theywant to include and these are listed on the left hand side of theplanning sheet. Over the two week period they plan to ensure thateverything they value has time allotted. The balance of that time willvary but the principle is that there should be some time set aside foreach category. Clients create their own categories but common elementsinclude: work, love and relationships, family, physical wellbeing,learning, helping others, fun and entertainment, spiritual development.
Compartmentalisation works for some people. They actually createcompartments of thinking in their brain. Once they finish what needs tobe done they mentally close the compartment and move into the next.
Anchoring is a technique used in Neuro Linguistic Programming. It workson the basis of using the memory of how a positive experience made youfeel on one occasion available to you at any time. You can choose toanchor any event for a specific emotion or feeling. If you can't thinkof a real occasion imagine one -- it works just as well. Just asPavlov's dog would salivate when it heard the bell, the brain isconditioned to feel in a particular way when you press your finger andthumb together to trigger an anchor.
Think of a time when you felt thoroughly relaxed and happy. As you do so what do you feel?
Is the feeling in a specific place in your body? Does it have a shape?Is it still or moving? Is it constant or not? Does it have a texture?Does it have a colour? Is it bright or dull? Pale or dark? Imagine thefeeling is only at 30%, turn it up to 70%, let it grow to 100%, as youfeel it, pinch your thumb and forefinger together. As you leave thememory release the finger and thumb.
Practice getting into the memory state. Each time pressing your finger and thumb together.
As the brain becomes accustomed to doing the process you will find youcan reach the state simply by pressing your finger and thumb together.I ask clients to do it several times each day to begin with, as it onlytakes a minute. The benefits are great as you can find an oasis ofcalm, a sense of courage, joy, happiness or any other well resourcedstate at the click of your fingers.
The shopping bag process is useful if you take on others problems andfeel weighed down by the end of the day. As each person hands you theirdifficulty, it is all too easy to internalise it and feel dreadful bythe end of the day.
As each person hands you their psychological baggage imagine yourselfputting it into a bag which you lay at your feet rather than taking onboard. It means you can listen and be available for them withoutgetting bogged down in their "stuff".
Facing your own demons. If you are using work as an escape mechanism, Iurge you to work with a coach to get thenm sorted out. Unless you dealwith them they have a nasty habit of escaping and wreaking havoc,however deeply you think you have buried them!
Evaluate your work activities -- There is a huge difference betweenbeing busy and being productive. One useful way to audit your work loadis to make a list of all the activities you do under the heading ofDAILY/WEEKLY/ MONTHLY/QUARTERLY/ANNUALLY/AS AND WHEN.
Use the traffic Light colours.
Highlight in green those activities which are done appropriately by you in the most effective and efficient way.
Highlight in red those activities which are redundant, inappropriatefor you to do and you can immediately cut them out as they add novalue. You will have immediately saved some precious time.
All those things which raise a query about whether they should be done,or if you are the right person or if you need more training to do themeffectively and easily highlight in amber.
You can then prioritize how to manage those tasks more effectively. Youhave something to take to your boss as the basis of a discussion aboutworkload, training or use of time.
Laughter is a great de-stressor. Few of us laugh enough. Finding waysto laugh ideally with others is a great way of switching off from thestresses and strains of the day.
When we live a well rounded and fulfilling life and our batteries aretopped up we have so much more to offer in every area of our livesincluding work. You have this life. It is your choice how you live itand whether work is kept in its place or if it takes over.
www.graduatesolutions.co.uk www.recoveringworkaholics.co.uk
GinaGardiner has been described by Ofsted as an “inspirational leader” andby Investors in People as an “impressive coach and exceptional mentorwho has developed an innovative and exemplary training scheme” foremergent, middle and senior managers. Gina has a huge interest inleadership, she has led a wide range of training and facilitationactivities with individuals, schools and other organizations, In herwork as Independent Consultant and as an Executive Life Coach andmentor she supports people at individual or organizational level todevelop confidence, leadership and people skills and effectivedelegation; empowering them to see themselves as part of the solution.She is a Neuro Linguistic Master Practitioner and a qualified coach.Author of “Kick Start Your Career” and “How YOU Can Manage Your StaffMore Effectively (And In Doing So Pave The Way To Your Next Promotion)”
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Gina Gardiner
