 7 Step Guide to Never Having Sex in Your Marriage
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
One of the most common complaints I receive in my relationship
counseling work is "We hardly ever have sex." Since you might be
addicted to the anger and complaining around this issue, I want to make
sure you do ALL the right things so you get to continue being angry and
complaining about it.
1. Be angry and complain
Given
that anger and complaining are not at all erotic, be sure to continue
to be angry and complain about the lack of sex. Your anger and
complaints are SURE to turn your partner off.
2. Approach your partner needy
Both
men and women tend to be turned off by someone who "needs sex to feel
loved and validated." Most women are not attracted to little boys, so
women are generally completely turned off by a man who approaches her
as a needy little boy, needing sex to feel validated, safe and secure.
The way to continue to be needy is to make sure that you do NOT take
responsibility for your own self-esteem.
3. Give yourself up - be a caretaker
Completely
ignore your own feelings and needs, putting yourself aside and doing
all your partner wants you to do instead. By ignoring your own feelings
and needs and doing everything you can to avoid conflict, you make sure
that your partner has no respect for you whatsoever, which means he or
she may see you as an object to be used. The more you are invisible to
yourself, the more disrespect and demands you may receive from your
partner, which may completely turn you off. In addition, the more you
give yourself up, the less sexual you may feel.
Or.....
4. Be demanding - be a taker
Make
sure that you are narcissistic - demanding that your partner attend to
you instead of to him or herself. See your partner as an object to
service you, and if you do have sex, make sure it is quick to just
satisfy you. If your partner does come on to you, make sure you shut
down and become resistant. After all, you want to be in control and not
be controlled! The last thing in the world you want is to be controlled
by your partner.
Attempt to keep your partner occupied with what
you want and make sure you are critical, demeaning, discounting,
threatening, and ridiculing when your partner does what he or she
wants. Be sure to crazy-make your partner by accusing him or her of
being selfish when he or she doesn't want sex, when in reality you are
the one being selfish. Keep up the good work! This is how you stay in
control.
5. Be a couch potato
Most
people, especially women, need some interaction to feel connected
enough to want to have sex. Be sure to spend most of your free time
watching TV or doing frivolous or mundane things, so that by the time
you get into bed and may want to have sex, your partner is too bored
with you or too disconnected from you to be interested.
6. Be emotionally unavailable, withdrawn or shut down
Many
people, and especially women, need emotional intimacy to feel sexual.
You can make sure you have no sex by being emotionally distant.
Withdraw, shut down your feelings, and be totally in absorbed in things
other than being present with your partner. Be too busy to interact
with your partner. Wait for your partner to initiate. Be passive, take
no initiative, protecting against rejection instead of taking
responsibility for what you want. This pretty much guarantees no sex.
7. Take no physical responsibility
Dress
poorly, be sloppy, and make sure you are not in good physical shape -
that you are overweight or too skinny. Come to bed smelling badly. Eat
poorly and don't exercise to make sure you get sick often and do not
have a lot of energy. Come to bed intoxicated, giving your partner the
message that you need to be under the influence to have sex with him or
her.
Finally, the real key to never having sex is to do some or
all of these things and then deny that they are the cause of your lack
of sex! You can continue to be angry and complain only as long as you
take no responsibility for the above choices!
Margaret
Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books,
including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing
Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding
healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE
Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.
Contact the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Self Improvement, Relationship Help
margaret@innerbonding.com
*The above picture is not, Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
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